10 reasons why I'm suspicious of the Nancy Drew movie

1. In the books, Nancy was 18 and dating Ned, a dreamy college boy. The kid playing Ned looks like he just stopped drinking out of juice boxes.
2. Nancy is cool—not only did readers admire her, but so did everyone around her in the books—and Emma Roberts is playing her as a cute nerdy outcast in a plaid skirt. It's like Rory Gilmore is starting Chilton all over again, but this time, there are CGI ghosts to investigate.
3. In my mind, Nancy belongs in the 1950s, wearing tea-length dresses and stopping for lunch at ladylike tearooms.
4. The movie's subtitle is "The Mystery in the Hollywood Hills," a far cry from River Heights. I don't want to see Nancy hanging out at the Chateau Marmont or Club Hyde. She hangs out with the wrong crowd and the next thing you know, she'll be going without proper undergarments and showing her hoo-ha when getting out of a car.
5. Tate Donovan plays dad Carson Drew. Seriously?
6. I'm afraid there's going to be a makeover montage, like in Clueless or Pretty Woman. Okay, maybe that wouldn't be so bad.
7. I don't get to see her ride bareback, perform in a figure skating competition, scuba dive, tap dance, or otherwise perform some crazy skill she just happens to be studying when a related mystery pops up.
8. Where are Nancy's chums Bess and George? Instead, the trailer shows a chubby boy as her sidekick. Wha, wha, whaaaa?
9. I love me some Liz Phair, but not on the Nancy Drew soundtrack.
10. If I go, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be surrounded by tweens. It will be like a Delia's catalog come to life.
(By the way, I'm the author of Nancy Drew's Guide to Life. Check it out!)